🌙 Healing Through the Phases - A Personal Note from Court
December will always hold a mix of emotions for me.
It’s the month that broke me and the month that rebuilt me in ways I didn’t see coming.
Last December, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy that ended with a ruptured tube, emergency surgery, and a heartbreak I never saw coming. It’s one of those moments that splits your life into before and after. Before, I was hopeful and excited. After, I was just… surviving.
There’s no way to fully explain the silence that follows a loss like that, the way your body still feels pregnant while your heart is learning how to let go and not being able to explain to your partner how the pain is just debilitating. It changes the way you see everything. It makes you cautious, guarded, and deeply aware of how fragile life is.
This year, I found myself pregnant again.
And while I’m endlessly grateful, I won’t pretend it’s been easy.
Pregnancy after loss is a constant dance between faith and fear.
You celebrate every milestone, but quietly, because part of you remembers what it’s like to have the ground fall out from under you.
You count down the weeks with shaky hands, holding your breath through every scan, every quiet moment, every little kick. You try and remain in a positive head space but after every scan and appointment ended in confusion and heartache last year, you always have that anxious feeling heading into any for this pregnancy.
But here’s what I’ve learned through it all: healing doesn’t mean you stop feeling.
Healing means you start trusting again, even when it’s terrifying.
It means giving yourself permission to hold joy and grief at the same time.
It’s reminding yourself that hope is still safe here, even after everything. That your body is still capable. That everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what that reason was. That. strength comes from feeling the feelings and dealing with them head on rather then pushing them under the rug.
This pregnancy has been my greatest teacher in surrender.
In letting go of control.
In learning to soften instead of tighten every time fear creeps in.
And in choosing to believe that my body, my heart, and this baby are exactly where they’re meant to be. To allow myself to feel happy and excited for our baby and to not let anxiety creep in.
We've reached 36 weeks this week (9 months) and any day from now for the next few weeks we will be welcoming our new little bub into this world. More changes, learning to navigate the newborn stage again but this time while having two teenagers and two businesses that all need my attention as well. Watching my partner become a dad, that is one thing i am very excited for, as well as my older two being the loving caring big siblings I know they already are.
This pregnancy hasn't been easy, i've been high risk, placenta over the cervix, sciatica etc. but it has changed my life and for that I am forever thankful.
If you’ve been through loss, I want you to know this, you’re not broken. You’re brave.
You’re allowed to still have moments where the fear feels louder than the excitement.
You’re allowed to cry, to hope, to protect your peace however you need to.
And you’re allowed to heal at your own pace.
This last year has reminded me why Moon Co. exists, to hold space for women through every phase. The light and the dark. The endings and the beginnings.
Because just like the moon, we’re allowed to wane, to disappear, to start again. 🌙
With love,
Court x